A Husband’s Touch

Todd Outcalt is a writer in love and married to (lucky guy) an eleven year breast cancer survivor (lucky gal).

Given below, in Todd’s own words, is a summary of the best advice I’ve ever read for how  to help anyone struggling with a terrible disease, like breast cancer.    For the full story, I suggest you read Todd’s  book, Husbands Guide To Breast Cancer.   http://www.amazon.com/Husbands-Guide-Breast-Cancer-Complete/dp/1935628321/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1387754462&sr=8-1&keywords=husband%27s+guide+to+breast+cancer

The Healing Touch

                Soon after my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer at the tender age of forty, I began keeping a journal of my thoughts and feelings surrounding the journey I was making with her.  Some of these thoughts were later turned into essays (and even books) on the subject of breast cancer, but most of my entries detailed my frustrations and fears.

                One of my primary fears focused upon my doubts surrounding my effectiveness as a husband and support partner.  Was I doing enough?  Was I strong enough?  Was I helping my wife through her own anxieties and fears?

                But one of the lessons I learned through the journey was this:  I didn’t have to know the answers, I just had to be there.  In fact, being present offered the greatest support to my wife.  Later, she admitted that our conversations, our appointments, and especially our quiet moments together were a tremendous source of strength.  And my wife also reminded me how powerful a force that touch was through her experience. 

                A doctor’s touch, a nurse’s touch, the touch of a friend . . . all of these provided energy, reminders of care, sometimes comfort.  It wasn’t about the facts, but about the friendships.  Her healing was, in large part, due to the efforts of many.  In fact, I might say that many people literally had a hand in my wife’s healing.

                 Post-cancer, I have tried to remind myself of this often.  Touch is, indeed, a powerful force for healing.  Even a handshake or a pat on the back can mean a great deal to someone who is hurting or fearful.  It doesn’t take much.

                As you consider how you might be a source of healing to someone you love, don’t overlook the place of caring touch.  Your hands are powerful.  And sometimes a touch is the greatest reminder of love that our loved ones can experience.

~Todd Outcalt has written about breast cancer for many publications including Cure and Together.  He is also the author of Husband’s Guide to Breast Cancer (Blue River Press) and The Healing Touch (HCI).  His wife, Becky, is an eleven year breast cancer survivor.